Tying myself in knots and what God can do for me

I have frequently tied myself in knots, over-thinking my life, with various worries and concerns, wondering about what the future will hold, and trying to come to the 'bottom of things' in order to solve and out-manoeuvre the circumstances I find myself in. I also tie myself in knots through the countless small and larger ways in which I sin. So, I put myself - my precious pride-filled ego - first, and defend my ground against others, to assert myself and so feel puffed-up and self-important.

But when I do these things, often without seemingly being able to help myself, I have my peace stolen from me, and my life is diminished. When I tie myself up in these ways I become vulnerable to the whispering lie that says if I don't watch my back that I will fail, and I will fall - that if I don't over-think things then my life will fall apart, and that if I don't assert myself with self-protection and pride then I will be easily exploited and ridiculed.

Consequently, when I listen to these lies, I become fearful and less able to receive the joy and love God and Christ has promised me - I become less able to receive the reassurance that God and Christ is with me and not against me, and that I am God's very special child and can receive the many wonderful gifts which he wants to give me. This specialness is not born from a favouritism bestowed, as if by magic, from a distant and remote God who I have had to persuade to give me good things. Rather, it is from a God who wants me to come close to him, with my knots and tied-up-ness because I cannot untie them myself, and hear me say "I have had enough God of all these messed-up and entangled knots which I can't undo, please can you untie them so I can rest in peace and be able to better receive your abundant life in Christ Jesus".

As it says in John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full". I must remember though, that the fullness will not be forced upon me, so I must open up my life and humble myself and be prepared to receive this abundancy life, without any sense that this abundant life and peace is my doing!

Also look-up my book Steven R. Smith Nine Steps to Well-Being: A Spiritual Guide for Disconnected Christians and Other Questioning Journeyers