Gentleness is strength under control - and I am a long way from it!

If you go to most Bible commentaries or Youtube sermons that discuss gentleness, they usually start with the idea that gentleness – being an essential quality of love and wisdom, and how God and Christ relate to and teaches us – is strength under control (Matthew 11:28-30: James 3:17). That the exercise of gentleness is not, therefore, born from weakness but from humility and a reverence and respect for the other person, whoever they are, and whatever they say, do, and believe (2 Timothy: 24-26). That gentleness requires you, then, to listen well before you speak, to be willing to learn from the other person, to be tender in how you speak even when (or rather especially when) you disagree (James 1:19). It also involves you having the courage to be honest without fear, but where you speak what you see as the truth only in love, and out of love (1 Corinthians 13). That out of this love you resist judging the other person and are always willing to see the fault in yourself first (Matthew 7:5). We are also told that this wonderful quality of gentleness is at the heart of good leadership (Numbers 12:3), must underpin good relationships with those we love, and with those who see themselves as our enemies (Luke 6:27-36). Exercising gentleness, in short, is one of the cornerstones of God’s Kingdom, triggering his blessings for us (Mathew 5:5).

But why have I found it so difficult to exercise gentleness in my life then, given all the above? In part it is certainly because I have confused gentleness with weakness. So, I have rejected (quite rightly) the latter quality, but have mistakenly thought over the years that the only qualities which could replace weakness is aggressiveness, abrasiveness, and insensitive bluntness. I am seeing far too late in my life the utter nonsense of this way of thinking, and that I must learn to exercise gentleness (again, strength under control) as the Godly substitute for weakness. That, indeed, it is out of weakness (not gentleness) which comes aggressiveness, abrasiveness, and insensitive bluntness – or comes 'the weak bully' in other words.

However, there is another reason I find it so hard to exercise gentleness in my life, which is related to this mistaken thinking certainly, but runs much deeper, as it’s part of who I am, and not just what I think. It is that part of who I am where my ego or pride feeds the weak bully in me with just enough ‘strength’ to keep ‘him’ going or keep ‘him’ tottering from one situation to the next. So, very craftily, then, this ego-feeding gives me the illusion of ‘battling on’ in the face of opposition, in difficult circumstances, with difficult people etc. However, in reality, of course, I am cutting myself off from God’s blessings and others, the more I succumb to this ego-feeding, where I move further away from even the possibility of exercising gentleness, and of eventually becoming gentle. 

As Paul shouts out his desparate question, in Romans 7:24: “Who will release me from this body doomed to death?” And answering his own question: “thank God in Christ Jesus our Lord” so I, too, must turn to Christ with this much deeper truth about my condition. I must confess my ego-feeding as a deep faultline in me, and that I cannot therefore rely on my own strength and efforts to get out of this mire. I can only draw on Christ’s strength (the man who is bizarrely also God), but who then gives me his strength which is also, because of his perfect love which drives out all fear, always under control (1 John 4:18).